Don't talk to me in Spanish

I wrote this a few eeks ago and read it at the writers group last Friday. It is the first creative writing I have done since High School. I know this because the last writing class I had to take was in college in Massachussetts and I didn't feel like writing so I translated Spanish songs to English and handed them in as my writing. Not very ethical, I know. But this one I wrote, I swear. Everything here has happened to me.

Don’t talk to me in Spanish
by Aynex Mercado

If you see a short brown girl walk in the room
That looks like her name could be Maria,
Don’t talk to her in Spanish.
If your mom didn’t teach you to dance salsa when you were growing up
Or you didn’t have tortillas for breakfast this morning,
Don’t talk to me in Spanish.

If I only had a dollar for every time I have heard
“Oh, so you speak Spanish…I can practice my Spanish with you.”
Don’t.

We then proceed to half an hour of you
trying to remember what your high school Spanish teacher said twenty years ago,
when was probably a gringa by the way
and taught you wrong. anyway.
I can’t understand shit of what you are saying.
Don’t.

I really don’t want to know about your last trip to Mexico
Where you learn so much Spanish
and you realized that tater tots burritos from Taco Johns
are not authentic Mexican cuisine.
I don’t need to hear when your funny Mexican friend
Taught you how to say “Puta, chupame las bolas”
Or “Chinga tu madre”
I really don’t.

I really don’t want to spend the next hour of my life
Teaching you how to say
“Bring me the check, please”
or “Gracias por el burrito, Jose.”
Then I have to spell every word that comes out of my mouth
Thirty-two times
and then write it down so you can finally understand what I’m saying.
I really don’t.

I really don’t need to know that when you lived in California
Some Hispanics friends of your taught you how to say “Que pasa, pavo?”
Did you know you just called me a turkey?

Don’t butcher my language,
we do a good enough job of that ourselves.