How to Look Old

Yesterday I was reading an article interviewing Charla Krupp the author of the book How Not To Look Old and it made me think. I'm 30 years old and look like I'm 12. I need tips on how to look old. Here are her tips on how not to look old. Logic says that if I do the opposite I will look old. Right?

TIPS ON HOW NOT TO LOOK OLD

-- Lighten your hair

My hair is dark already and I get bonus points because I have a few gray hairs popping out. Check!

-- Cut some bangs

Don't have bangs. Actually hate bangs. Check!

-- Wear chic eyewear

Got it. Dorky glasses. Check.

-- Wear thongs

Did once. The most uncomfortable experience of my life. Double check!

-- Exfoliate

Always forget to do it anyway. Now I have an excuse. Check.

-- Don't outline lips

Always have. Check.

-- Paint the nails

Never do. Check.

-- Lift your boobs

Can't get any flatter that this. Check.

-- Shapewear is your friend

Shapewhat? Check.

-- Show some leg

I knew that was a problem. Winter is coming anyway. Winter check.

-- Don't overdo makeup

You mean the old eyeliner and lipstick routine won't do. Reluctant check.

-- Wear the right jeans

I have to throw away my jeans and get the wrong jeans? Don't think so.

-- Nuke the nude hose

Hell to the no! Why would I wear hoses if I can't show some leg. This one doesn't count.

-- Wear heels

But I need them to look over 2 feet tall! Can't do.

-- Stay confident

Forget this!