My Funny Valentine

To all those of you that hate Valentine's Day because you don't have a boyfriend to bring you flowers and everyone around you is all kissy kissy and wearing red hearts and eating chocolates and playing love songs and getting serenaded by a secret crush and getting little love notes from admirers and... Wah, wah, wah! Noboby loves me!! I just have to say "Just suck it up!" The best way to spend Valentines Day is not cursing the day Mr. Hallmark invented this holiday eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream watching Sleepless In Seattle and crying yourself to sleep. The best way to spend Valentine's Day when you don't have that special someone is among friends. So that is what I did. I invited myself over (like I always do) to Bill and Patience's house for dinner.

First we had Patience's famous pork chops. I have never heard of them and Patience pointed out many times how I have to tell everyone how good they were. Even if she hadn't said that, I would have told you that they were very good. Look, I cleaned my plate. Ok, that photo is pretty gross. But the food was good, I swear!

Then we exchanged gifts. Bill gave Patience wind chimes that sound like a church and Patience gave Bill some mustard. It must be real love... Of course I got the obligatory chocolates. By next week, I'll weight 200 lbs. Everyone knows I like chocolate so everyone gave me some. My apartment is very chocolate-happy at the moment. I almost forgot. To top it all I had a very romantic kiss with a handsome Swede. Pictures coming soon.

We had a very nice time and I'm not depressed at all! Come to think of it, maybe Bill and Patience don't like me, they are just too nice to say no everytime I invite myself... Oh no! I just spent Valentines Day with people that don't even like me surrounded by 32 dogs (I really don't know because I can't count that high and I had to post this pictures because I know you don't believe me) They form perfect circles. Doesn't that picture looks like those rocks that people paint animals on?. Anyway, I interrupted their romantic plans of wild sex. I am gaining weight by the minute by just smelling the chocolates in my kitchen that are calling my name. Gray hairs are starting to pop up! I have reach the age that I need make up to show my face in public. I am lame and no body loves me!!!! Wah, Wah, Wah... I need some chocolate!!! I hate this holiday! And in the spirit of the holiday, here's a video:

2-15-08 Addition: Ok girls, I have to say it. I kissed Bill Renzulli on the mouth! There I said it! I didn't say it before because I knew all the girls in the neighborhood would hate me after I said it. Everyone is green with envy now! Especially someone who's name starts with P.


William F. Renzulli said...

So the only kiss you remember is the one from swede William!!??? What am I? chopped....oh never mind. I'm afraid of what your answer would be.

But I still love you

Laura K said...

You are hilarious!