Yesterday I had a dream. You know one of those dreams that when you are dreaming it, you know you are in a dream and you act like you wouldn't normally act because you know it's just a dream and your actions have no consequences. In the dream I was having a fight with a friend and I could have easily said "Ok, I'm sorry. Let's do this or that." but instead I just keep pushing his buttons until he was about to hit me and then I forced myself to wake up because I didn't wanted to be there anymore.
Well, that's is what happened when I had the accident. For those of you that don't know, I had a serious car accident 10 years ago and suffered a spinal cord injury. Anyway, when I woke up from a 5-day coma, I thought I was in a dream. I'm in a hospital bed not being able to move a finger, not being able to talk because I had a tracheotomy and everyone that was supposed to be in Puerto Rico and everyone that was supposed to be in Massachusetts where in the same room. I must be dreaming.
I acted in ways I wouldn't have because I though I was dreaming. I remember many times my Mom wanted to go to the hotel and I made her stay because I thought people in dreams don't get tired. And I kept listening to the same CD, not because I really liked it but because it was easier to tell people not to change it even though everyone was sick of the same music.
In movies when someone wakes up in the hospital, they always ask why they are there. I don't remember asking why I was there or anyone explaining to me why I was there. Maybe someone did but I don't remember. When you are having a dream you never ask why something is happening.
I think in a way, that was the way my mind dealt with it. I never got really depressed because after a month and a half of thinking I was in a dream, I started realizing it wasn't a dream but by then I was used to the idea of being paralyzed that it didn't affected me as bad as it would have.
6 comments:
Wow, that's really interesting. Have you ever talked with folks who have faced similar situations? I wonder if it's somewhat common. You rock, Aynex!
I would imagine the surrealistic feelings you experienced were your mind's way of protecting itself from a frightening new reality which it was not prepared to deal with. I cannot imagine how scared I would be to be conscious and not able to move or speak. I'm just glad you survived it.
A powerful dream, a powerful story from a very poweful young woman.
Thanks for sharing this, Aynex. It never fails to amaze me to see how our minds work, and how well they can protect us, gradually letting in a very difficult reality. Look how far you've come! Love ya,
Rosemary
I imagine your mother was more than willing to stay. I also thank you for sharing this. The immensity of anything which is so life changing is hard to comprehend.
You continue to amaze me-
Patience
An incredible story of super strength to endure and the initiative to begin again to make a life of beauty and creativity. I hope the man you were dreaming about was not anyone I know. Jlily
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