Valentine's Day came and the mortal got a box of chocolates in the mail from some guy I have never met. I am starting to not like this guy already. First, the mortal spends all her time on the phone instead of petting me when I demand it. Second, she doesn't let me lay on the laptop like I always like to do (hmmm... it is so warm!) and she tells me that it is because he can't see her. Is he inside the laptop? Can you send mail from there? And third, she is not letting me have any of the chocolates. She says I'm too fat and I need to loose weight. Well, if we were not living in the North Pole at the moment, I could got out and run around chasing birds.
Just gimme some chocolates greedy woman!