10/29/06

Well, in the past two months my life has had a 360 degree change.

Last month Rob and I realized that renovating this house was a lot more that we had planned for. Everytime we started to think we are getting closer to the end, something else went wrong that had to be fixed and fixes to a 150 year-old house two-story brick are never cheap. We overextended ourselves financially and it was time to make a change.

We decided to stop the renovation and find a way to get rid of the house. We had a lot of outstanding bills and a big mortage to take care off. We found a wonderful couple from southern Indiana, Steve and Carol Gabany, that wanted to buy the house and they plan to have a business in the house. We got enough money from the sale to cover all the bills and the mortage. We did not made a profit from the sale but we were very lucky to have had been able to find a buyer so quickly.

At the begining of September, Rob left for Massachusetts to find work and try to fix the financial problems we were having. There are far more opportunities there than in Paducah and pay better too. Also, he knows people there that can get him a better job than he can get here. I stayed in Paducah taking care of the renovation. He found employment after being there for two weeks. Taking care of the renovation made me realize what a big problem we had and it was me who suggested selling the house.

After being some time apart and with all the problems with the house I realized that I wanted to end my relationship with Rob after being together for 10 years. I care a lot about him and I am very grateful for all the years we spent together. But all this has made me realize that we did not have many things in common and when I am with him I am very dependent on him. He wasn't very happy in Paducah and he was here only to be with me. It is time for me to grow up and be on my own for a while. We ended everything as friends and we talk on the phone almost every day. I hope we can continue to be friends.

I know a lot of people think that this is all Rob's fault and he acted badly but I want to make very clear that all this is not all his fault. I am not blaming him and I don't want anyone else to do it either. The house renovation was never a good decision for us and it was going to end badly any way. All the desicions were made by us both and I am to blame too for leaving all the financial responsabilities up to him to take care of. He wanted to give me everything right now. We made a lot of bad desicions, we had a lot of bad luck with contractors, we were unexperienced and we got in over our heads. We have both learned a lot.

As for me I have been going thru a lot of sadness and crazyness but things are getting better every day. I plan to stay in Paducah. I rented an apartment in LowerTown a block away from my old house and I really like it. I have never lived on my own before so it has been fun decorating and figuring out were evething is going to go. I am looking for a job. My art has been on hold for about two months and I cannot make myself sew again. Hopefully things will change soon. My family and neighbors have been great thru all of this and have helped me a lot. I am definately not alone.

I want to apologize to everyone that has been calling and emailing me and I haven't answered. It is hard to talk to people and repeat the same story over and over again. That is why I'm posting it here. I don't want to talk to anyone right now. If you want to talk to me the best thing to do is email me.

Enough with the sadness and now on to bigger, happier and better things. Life goes on...

1 comment:

Nina Cook said...

Dear Aynex,

Thank you for sharing such a touching, thoughtful and personal account of what has happened in your life over the past few months.

You and Rob have shared some very special times together under very unique circumstances. I'm so glad that Rob could be there for you when you needed him most and that you could be there for each other for the past 10 years.

You've worked so hard to gain strength, confidence and independence and I commend you for your courage in taking the steps necessary to live independently at this time since this is your heart's desire. At the same time I am feeling sad that you will no longer be walking in the door with Rob when he visits us. Craig and I care for you a great deal. I've always enjoyed the times we've spent together and I'll miss that.

I know it couldn't have been easy to decide to sell the house that you and Rob had worked so hard to make your dream home complete with your personal touches for a studio and gallery. But as you say, you both learned a lot through this process and it's a beautiful thing that you were able to find a buyer at the moment that you were ready to sell.

I have no doubt that you're on your way to bigger, happier and better things. You are a woman with courage, talent, drive and determination and a wonderful sense of humor. I look forward to reading future entries on your blog as you continue on life's journey.

I hope you and Rob will remain friends as you each pursue your individual interests and goals independent of each other. Of course, Craig and I only want what is best for you and Rob whether together or apart.

Here's a big hug from me: {{{{{{{{{{{{Aynex}}}}}}}}}}}}}

And remember, if you need a ride from Bradley Airport to visit one of your New England friends or just want to come for a visit, we'd love to see you anytime and help you in any way we can. I hope we get to see you again soon.

Take care. Love and hugs, Nina